He wakes up early in the morning and grabs his phone, to simply make sure it’s on. His last web address has always been face book zero or m.facebook.com for the past few weeks. He always wakes up to post some bu-things on his page and goes back to bed.
When he’s fully up, the drama begins. He goes through his page to checks if he’s got any notifications and mail. By this time, the junkie is not yet out of bed. If there is nothing appeasing he looks through the friends’ status updates, thinking of posting one hell of an update to gather at least a number of comments than the other residents. For a junkie it takes between 20 to 30 minutes for him to make up his mind. And the madness begins; they start living up to the statement “what’s on your mind?” as they paste the entire place with every good, bad, wise and stupid thing on their cheap minds.
Being a Ugandan junkie needs no special integrity. One who checks his page using his phone about four or more times a day, visit his page to simply comment on other people’s updates, you may not know this but you are hooked.
For a Ugandan addict its only a matter of coming up with some cheesy statements that are not really meant to expose your credible side ( the saying goes that the more stupid an update is, the more it’s fancied by people). You’re free to post a completely irrelevant and stupid updates coz that’s what face book citizens love; irrelevancy.
You will notice that naughty statements like “umm, now am good” or “ I smell chicken flies do you?” get over seventy people commenting and you a face booker who at least still stands for integrity and all his friends will be wondering what the big deal is, chicken flies REALLY?
That’s not all, they will amuse you even more just by the way they understand some statements call me backward but, the queen’s language needs some respect even when it has been posted on your page. Like, according to oxford learners dictionary means something you find pleasant. When a face booker updates his status that; “am terribly sick” or “my dad died”, it’s obvious he/she is looking for a dose of sympathy, but then, a snobby Ugandan addict will go below your status and click “LIKE”. Then you will have your page read “so and so likes this” but for God’s sake what’s there to like about death or sickness?
Then there those ones dangerously in love with poking every one they can. Do they even know what poke even means? They poke charity organizations, church ministries, and links, in fact the last time I checked some one was poking Palomar and Diego on Bukedde TV, SERIOUSLY?
In the beginning face book was for trendy youths like us but then every one realized how easy it was to use the site. And that’s when homies in owino and ewa-kisekka joined the fray, I hear even Rwamiti and Straka’s fans can also meet them on fesi buuku.
Though, if there’re some things we should note about our face book residents is that;
I. For them friends mean numbers, they are just any other accessory you talk about and show off even when you have no plans of posting any thing on their walls. Well if you’re a celebrity friends are those things you will talk about during the fix on bush baby’s XXL like; “I have 1000 and so friends on face book” to make the other celebrity inferior. You need as many of them, the fewer you know the better. Send requests to every one regardless of the fact that you won’t contact any of them there after. They can even walk about on streets using the F word on whoever cares because they have a thousand friends on face book and this doesn’t have limits not even relatives are safe.
II. Comment on only close friend’s statuses. All the other face book friends are meant to accumulate numbers and whatever they write no matter how sensible it may be, dude its rubbish. Ignore it because you must assume that he/she too has close friends to comment on that. You must ignore it like you never confirmed their friendship.
III. 69.9540% of your posts are lies either talking about some (non- existent) fight you had with your (imaginary) girlfriend or a scenario from some upcoming kina- Uganda. People on face book are liars. Many especially junkies will do any thing to get a good post. Some one watches the latest on zone reality; E, MTV and they will use those catchy lines as their own to trigger massive reactions.
Internet has never been an issue of addiction in Uganda since, much as it’s is cheap now days, very few can afford personal connections thus many of our junkie victims are mobile users. This however doesn’t exclude those chaps in their offices with a minimized face book page on the monitors. But, the younger victims are middle aged humans who found the World Wide Web so exciting just previously. A few months back they thought face book conversations were for showies but today they talk like they can’t live without it they want to sound like they know the this and that of I T.
It’s always a common sight of a junkie bragging about their latest notifications, requests, calling text massages inbox or how they have over 100 friends (they have never met). But when you take them around face book say, talk about Google Plus, Tweeter, My Space or even a simpler Hi5 they will think you’re speaking in tongues. Totally lost in translation.
Though much as we may love to hate face book, these addicts are fun to look at, it’s both annoying and surprising seeing a fully suited up man laughing or smiling to him self like he’s seated next to Oprah and Zuena, only to realize the fool is draining into the 2inch screen of his phone. Then comes the depressing sentences; “guess who has inboxed me and blah blah”. They will almost force you to ask them to give you a break or cut you a slack. But in the end you realize it’s not really a bad thing even if Ugandans are over rating it. And just like many of you, I too like this.
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